Trusting in a God of Miracles: Shifting from Protective Pessimism to Confident Hope
"But forget all that--it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun!
Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
-Isaiah 43:18-19
Anyone else have difficulty trusting God to do big things, even when you have witnessed His faithfulness and goodness time & time again? As a long-time struggler with anxiety, fear of the unknown, and something I like to call “protective pessimism” (aka: purposefully expecting the worst in order to avoid the painful experience of hoping for something wonderful and being bitterly disappointed…an annoying character flaw, I know…God is working on that), I often find myself in constant need of reminders of God’s past faithfulness and goodness in order to stay grounded in my faith. Thankfully, my Heavenly Father knows this about me & is constantly providing me with these reminders right when I need them…
To preface, our family has experienced one of the most crazy “roller coaster” couple of weeks of our lives. In brief summary, we found out less than 2 weeks ago that the twins I am carrying unexpectedly developed severe complications that required emergent intrauterine surgical intervention. Within the course of one week, we went from coming back from a beach vacation, hearing the news that it was likely that one or both of the twins would not survive, being given hope that emergent surgery could give them both a chance of survival, having the surgery successfully completed, seeing positive results on ultrasound, going into preterm labor 3-days post-op at only 19 weeks pregnant, another hospital stay getting those contractions to stop, and being sent home on bedrest in hopes that we can keep these babies in the womb & growing for at least another 10-12 weeks!
In the midst of all of this, God has answered so many prayers and provided in so many truly miraculous ways (not even exaggerating). Looking back, I can see the ways He was preparing us for the tough moments in this journey along the way. He knew I needed constant reminders before surgery of this truth: God is good & faithful in all circumstances–He is working through both the good and the hard moments, and I can confidently place my hope in Him no matter the results. ( also see Romans 8:28, Psalm 33:4, Proverbs 3:5-6, Habakkuk 3:17-19)
After surgery, I had a couple of days home before I would end up needing to be hospitalized again. In that amount of time, God had a funny way of preparing a much-needed reminder of this same truth for the days ahead…
The first thought that came to my mind was, “Oh boy, this will be interesting.” My mind began to replay several past memories involving my son and his bike–none of them being phenomenal memories. He struggled for a long time to understand how to use pedals on his training wheels–often losing his balance and tipping over the tricycle, bending the training wheels out of shape. Then, we found him a balance bike (basically a bike with no training wheels or pedals) in an attempt to help him learn to balance properly on the bike before learning the pedals. This, also, was a struggle. He often complained it was “too hard” and gave up mid-walk… refusing to ride his bike any further. He had his ups & downs with this bike, but overall, I saw little reason to hope that learning to ride a pedal bike without training wheels would come easily to him.
Before my husband walked further out the door, I called out, “Ok… you might want to look up some YouTube videos for some teaching ideas first…” (You can imagine my husband jumped all over that advice… it was the equivalent of asking him to read an instruction manual before putting something together, but hey, I tried).
Within 30 seconds of having the training wheels off the bike, I hear Caleb tell our son, “Alright buddy, here ya go… let’s start by the end of the driveway…”
Much to Caleb’s amazement, he hopped right on that bike & took off down the sidewalk–zooming past the neighbors’ homes and having the time of his life!
Caleb called out to me, “Um, Kaela… come and see this!” We both just stood there in amazement and cheered on our son as he sped back on his bike and skidded to a perfect stop using his brakes like a professional.
A couple days after this event, I found myself coming home from the hospital for the second time after a bout of pre-term contractions. Admittedly, I was feeling discouraged and fearful of what is to come next. For the first time since hearing the initial bad news, I had myself a good cry. I felt overwhelmed with the thought that we truly have no idea what the future will hold and have no guarantee that my body will be able to carry these twins to term, despite all our best efforts. At this moment, my parents sent me a few Bible verse references to read. That’s when I came across this verse:
"But forget all that--it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.For I am about to do something new.See, I have already begun!Do you not see it?I will make a pathway through the wilderness.I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
-Isaiah 43:18-19
Oddly, when I read these verses, I thought of my son riding his bike. I thought of the way Caleb and I anticipated hours and days of training ahead. We mentally prepared for the worst–which seemed the sensible thing to do, given the history of how things had gone with the bike in the past. Little did we know, all those frustrating moments, “failures,” and two-years-worth of struggles with bikes in the past were preparing our son all along–giving him the tools he needed to be able to blow us all away the first time he rode that bike! What a small, yet incredible reminder of the mysterious and unexpected ways God often works in our lives. He is a God of miracles–working on “something new” every step of the way. He is also a God that redeems the tragedies and hardships we face for purposes that we do not even see or know about. Sometimes, we get glimpses along the way of how He is “making pathways through the wilderness” and “creating rivers in the dry wasteland,” while other times, we are taken by surprise–blown away by the masterpiece of what He had been working on all along.
This is where we wait today, not in “protective pessimism,” but rather, in confident hope. I’m not talking about the mere power of positive thinking–a shallow optimism that comes crashing down when things don’t go as we had hoped. I am talking about a settled assurance that God is a God of miracles–whether life’s circumstances turn out the way we hope or not. As my dad once told me years ago through the loss of our first pregnancy, “The good fight of faith through our sorrows includes wrestling with our own thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams…and giving these to our Heavenly Father who knows and sees what we can’t. Dig deep in God’s promises and fight for these truths in your mind & heart. The battle is real, but so are His promises!”
Do I believe God can work miracles for my girls? Yes, I do. I have seen Him do it already (click here to view a detailed timeline of our twin journey), and I will continue to pray with bold faith–knowing He will work miracles again. Does God promise me that I will be able to hold healthy twin girls in my arms and watch them grow in this lifetime? No, He does not. Do I wrestle with that? Absolutely. Yet I am privileged to have lived through some hard things in the past with my Savior by my side. I know that even though there is a lot of brokenness in this lifetime, my Heavenly Father is good and faithful through it all. Even in my darkest moments of grief and pain, He’s never failed me and I know He never will.
Maybe you made it all the way through this blog post and are thinking of circumstances in your own life that seem insurmountable. Can I encourage you to do two things?
1) Lean deep into God’s promises. Ask yourself: “I know what I wish God would promise to me–but what does God ACTUALLY promise to those who trust in Him?” Search for those answers in His Word, and cling to those truths.
2) If you haven’t already, choose to follow Jesus & pursue a relationship with your Heavenly Father. Commit yourself to following Him wholeheartedly, even when it’s hard. Don’t close Him out simply because you don’t understand His ways or don’t “agree” with His plans. Who else has the authority to promise to never fail you? Who else redeems not only your circumstances, but your very soul? He is wanting to do something new in your life. You can trust Him to work in miraculous ways.
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